It’s been almost a year. And I’m still fat.
I thought that if I watched my calories, exercised on a regular basis, sought a doctor’s guidance, and ate foods that were good for me, I would lose the weight, be a size 12 again and all would be right with the world.
But I was wrong. I’ve been eating 1300-1500 calories for so long, I don’t even need to track anymore (but I do). I haven’t had pop (or soda) since last October. I’m eating non-processed foods: vegetables, fruits, whole meats like turkey and chicken breast. I’ve been exercising like never before, walking 3x every week during the summer and since school started, I’ve been doing squats (up to 64 a day), stretching and core exercises. I’ve walked two 5ks. I sweat. I ache. I drink water. I drink less wine.
And yet, I’m still so far from my goal. I’m still over two clicks on the scale. I’m still in “plus size” clothes. My legs still look like tree trunks. I’m still playing with five pounds that won’t stay off. I hit the 60 pound mark in mid-July and it’s been going nowhere fast since. I can’t stay past the 65 pound mark. I’ve probably lost an additional 12 pounds but it’s the same 3 pounds that I took off and put on four times. I’m frustrated. Tired of eating so little. Tired of eating a piece of bread and then getting on the scale two pounds heavier which then stays on me for four days. That’s how my body is working now. And it sucks.
Unfortunately, I’m probably going to lose the latest dietbet that I’m in. I had so much success with the last one, that I thought maybe something would click subconsciously and I would start losing weight and keeping it off. But no. I’m only down net two pounds. Again, I’ve lost more than that, but the pounds won’t stay away. I have 18 days to lose 6.3 pounds. I have no idea how to do that. Even Marathon Man is at a loss.
Sure there are benefits to having lost the weight that I have. I’m more comfortable in chairs. I can walk longer distances. I’m more flexible. I’m more willing to try physical challenges. I can sit with my legs crossed. My double chin is nearly gone. I move a little faster. But those weren’t my goals.
My goal is/was to lose 80 pounds by December 31st. A goal that is seeming to be more and more out of reach.
I just don’t know what else to do.
Live. Laugh. Love.
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